Hopeless not last

ehm gimana nulisnya ya?

ayolah, jariku yang indah(?) ikhlaskan diri kalian untuk bergerak berirama sehingga membuat diriku menulis secercah perasaan ku yang tak kunjung dimuntahkan dari hati. #huhhah!

wan dey... *maaf?*
one day.. even when i look into my deepest soul...
i was seen, that i felt empty.
very dery tery empty...
i want to have some people that can to acompany me, accept all my imperfection, hold my hand when i fell nothing... forever.. until i rest.

when i can to stop my mind to hate all people that i see. Thanks to allah to made my wish come true...
that i wished :

"Ya allah, mungkin benar kata ibuku, bahwa aku takkan mungkin memiliki seorang teman. Tapi aku hanya seorang anak perempuan yang tak mampu memendam sakit. Ya allah, jika kau ridho pada permohonanmu, aku memohon padamu. Berikanlah aku seorang sahabat yang mampu membawaku dalam kbaikan. bolehkah ya allah? aamiin..."

day by day i way with hey(?)

i looked into my "tetangga kamar" infront of me.
She had a best friend on tree. "No, i must no broke them relation."
how dispirit i am that being freak people that just begging with other solicitude?

to refresh my mind, i m away the street to make me better. 1 km.. 2 km... 3 km.. and so on until tired.
and that doing right. i continue my job. Study hard.

But my childish can't be stop. Someday i see someone that stay by her self. without her bestfriend.
can she accept me as friend? cause i afraid and so recoil to had a friend again.

out of my mind that someone felt comfort with me, but i slightly withdraw cause i now. I can hurt and broke all what i had, all that near of me, all people side me... i dont want make a mistake.

and day way like bored with yesterday...

You told me about your story.. about your bestfriend.. about you friendship...
But i see, that you felt can't stand in this dormitory, and little by little i try to be what you want. To make you stay.

But. again. I couldn't... me just me. With my ugliness and my imperfection... i hope you can accept my pardon. I now i can't be your real friend.. and that so sad. You can covert me to be prefereble.

And i know, you are the good enough, no one alacrity if you had a friend like me. 

But i never listen... 

And i was false to  no hear them.

i hurt you. with my behavior. My stupidness..
Sorry Allah, i couldn't keep your envoy to acompany my wish.
Sorry 


~With my self~





NB : ini proposal pokoknya!